The Privileged Moment
by mayajane
Summary: Hermione Granger is 33 years old and starting a new job at Hogwarts but she gains much more than that. Rated M Romance/ tragedy.


The Privileged Moment

A/N: Sorry for any mistakes.

I could barely sit still considering where I was. Many others had been where I was but there had never been a muggleborn Potions Master. And there had never been a woman potions master admitted to the Potion's Master's League. Beside me sat a small man who was receiving the same honor I was. There were only three of us being admitted, but this oversized, temporary, auditorium was filled to the brim. There had been key note speakers and a performance too, but the purpose of the event was to induct me and my fellow Potions Masters into the league. A whole evening for accomplishing something only 52 others had ever done and now it was 55. A potion Master wasn't just someone who could just make a potion, no not by far. A Potion's Master could brew any potion in the world, had made his or her own invented potions and have it registered on the list of accepted potions. They could tell you what potion to take for anything and name all the ingredients for any potion. They don't just make potions, they breathe their potions.

"Miss Hermione Jean Granger is the first female Potions Mistress, surpassing the scale on which we grade. It has been long overdue for a female Potions Master. Ladies and gentlemen, Hermione Granger!"

I missed the first part of the introduction and the man by my side had to nudge me. I shot to my feet, soothing out my dress, hoping it wasn't too short for such a formal event. I carefully counted the steps, five of them, so I wouldn't trip on my way up the stage. It would be just my luck if I fell on the most important moment of my life.

Amazingly I made it up there and stood at the podium with everyone's eyes on me. My throat was as dry as a desert but I opened my mouth to speak.

"I've known since I was 13 years old that I wanted to be a Potions Mistress. A master of potions. There's nothing quite like brewing a potion to perfection. I've been working towards this moment for twenty years and I can't thank the League enough for this honor. Thank you all." I then stepped away from the podium and walked back down those same five steps as the place erupted in applause. I couldn't tell you anything else about the evening because it was a whirlwind. I spoke with so many people I couldn't keep track and about so many potions and new research. It was wonderful but when it was about midnight I decided to apparate home.

I had a huge day tomorrow which in the excitement of the ceremony I forgotten about. Headmistress Minerva McGonagall had sent me an owl three weeks ago, after hearing about the honor I would guess, wanting to catch up. I had always liked Minerva as a teacher and now as a friend, but I hadn't expected a job offer to teach potions.

"Doesn't Professor Snape teach potions?" I had asked because I distinctly remembered reading exactly that.

Minerva had shaken her head, "Not anymore, but he had a flawless talent for it and maybe a passion too, but he wishes to teach Defense and if I can make that happen I will. So what do you say?"

It was surprising to me that I wanted to say yes. I had a great job with the ministry in the potions analysis department but the idea of finding and teaching more potion masters was appealing. I didn't even sleep on it and told her yes later that same day. Tomorrow was august 31 and I would bring my many suitcases, though half were filled with books and potion supplies. I had quite the extensive collection.

Harry and Ron said they would help me with them but I knew it would end up with just Harry. Ron was recently a father and somehow always ended up watching the kids. He had a little girl, Rose who was five and now a son, Hugo who was five months. Ron and Lavender tied the knot three years ago but Lavender wasn't too keen on giving up her youth and being tied down. Most nights and evenings she wasn't home. I had plenty to say on the matter but Harry would always remind me that neither he nor I had even come closer to finding someone and Ron never complained about the responsibility.

Harry and I were best friends and I knew that we always would be so I listened to him. Most of the time.

The next morning I woke up late despite my alarm clock precautions. They never seem to work for me. As it was just a moving day it wasn't a big deal but I would have liked to have gotten started sooner. I was deep in boxes when Harry showed up at my flat. I was putting it up for rent for the next year which Harry took. I told him he didn't need to do that but he said he did get tired of Grimmauld Place. So Harry was moving in and I was moving to Hogwarts. I would have my own chambers just as any teacher did.

"Why do you have so much _stuff?_" He exclaimed walking in the front door. I glared at him halfheartedly.

"You better watch yourself. I need all these things, I'll have you know."

Harry put his hands up in the air in surrender. "Of course you do." I then noticed his t-shirt had writing on it.

_I'm the chosen one_

I rolled my eyes, "Is it really necessary to where a shirt like that?" Harry grinned at me wryly.

"I already get more attention that a newborn, why not have some fun? It's been almost fifteen years since I killed him and it's still like my first day in Diagon alley when I was eleven. Whenever I go out and wherever I go. So, I find it funny and therefore easier." He explained and began shrinking the completed boxes.

"I suppose there is some sense in there somewhere." I responded and he glared at me this time. I had 36 boxes, sealed and shrunk an hour later and I thanked Harry for helping.

"Ron, got held up did he?" I remarked sarcastically but to my surprise Harry didn't just write it off, he looked angry.

"Lavender left him last night. He didn't want me to tell you, because he thinks you'll tell him 'I told you so'. She just packed four bags, took some money and left. No goodbyes to the kids and a note. Ron….he's handling it well but he needed that second income from her desk job at the ministry." Harry raked a hand through his tasseled hair.

"I checked with her boss, she put in a two weeks notice Hermione, she never intended to stay. I didn't tell Ron that of course. So I'll be helping him and he can't say no out of pride because his kids are involved and I have more money than the Queen of England."

I did not feel like saying I told you so, "I'm sorry, I didn't want to be right. What a selfish whore and I know you're leaving out who she left with."

Harry started to pace, "Draco Malfoy. He and I had a chat and he says they've been seeing each other for four years, Hermione. Why marry Ron? Why have kid-…"

Harry's eyes flew wide open and he ran to my kitchen sink and heaved. I followed him into the kitchen and vanished the mess.

"What did you realize?" I demanded. Harry was obviously having some sort of epiphany.

"Rose has blonde hair Hermione. What Weasley has blonde hair?"

"Oh no. That bitch! How could she do this to Ron? We can't tell him, he adores Rose. "

Harry reluctantly agreed that for now Ron was best not knowing.

"Okay, I have to go, but you can visit anytime you know or write." I reminded him and he agreed to see me this weekend. I was still reeling from the news and I knew if I ever saw Lavender Brown she'd regret it.

Minerva had instructed me to floo into her own chambers that no one could enter through the gates except Hagrid and Mr. Filch. I was surprised to hear him still working here let alone alive, and Hagrid was getting up in age as well. He and I saw each other for tea every month and sometimes Harry would join us.

I dusted myself off and saw Minerva waiting for me with a kind smile. She looked youthful and capable. I heard she'd done an experimental procedure to restore some of her youth and I must say it worked.

"Hermione. Glad you are here." She embraced me and every time she did I thought of my mother and father. My father had died of a heart attack about six years ago and my mother been diagnosed with breast cancer two years ago. She was a fighter though just like me.

"Let me show you your quarters. They aren't in the dungeons because Severus wished to keep him private rooms, so you'll be right in-between he dungeons and my office. I think you'll like it."

Minerva was glad to have me here it seemed, maybe she needed this position filled more than I realized. She was right though, the rooms were perfect.

"Severus said if you needed to see the syllabus he planned for the year or had any other questions about the position you could go an ask him. He also said-" She held up her hand to stop me from interrupting.

"That he knew you made one but to come and look at his as well."

"Okay then, he's still in the same rooms?" I asked and she nodded. "Do try and get along, everyone else dislikes him you know and I know you won't make the same mistake, now will you."

I didn't know what she meant or what she might be hinting at, "I will treat him with the respect he's earned from me. Nothing more and nothing less."

She smiled," Good. I will see you tomorrow evening."

It was much easier to unpack than to pack I found and was done in an hour. Everything had a place and my rooms were exactly what I needed.

It was nearing one so I walked the short walk to the dungeons and knocked on the potions classroom door. It would soon be my classroom.

"Enter." I had forgotten how deep his voice was and as I opened the door I expected him to be writing away on parchment. He was not. In fact he was in slim slacks and a plain white t-shirt and was currently hitting a punching bag with a lot of force. He wiped the sweat off his forehead and used his teeth to remove the gloves he wore.

"Miss Granger I was hoping you would come." He said and grabbed a glass of water off his desk and gulped it loudly.

"You were?" Was all I thought to ask. In truth I was surprised by this behavior and then I realized I actually didn't know him well at all. I knew _of_ him.

"Yes, I heard about your introduction to the league, congratulations. I am more than happy to be leaving potions to teach Defense, but I'll admit I am curious as to what you have planned for the students and the year. Care to share?" He set down his glass and sat on his desk, well my desk now.

"Sure. I have no teaching experience, aside from helping other while I was here. So I took from my experience as a student about what I found the easiest to pick up and the hardest. I also know that very few have the drive I do for the academics. I've decided my first lesson would be telling them the most fascinating potions."

He was listening intently so I continued. "For the girls, Amortentia and the beautification potions. For the boys I chose the Black Fire potion and Dogbreath Potion. I want to get them interested and maybe some of them will keep that interest. Then we'll spend some time on interactions because I wasn't aware of such a thing until long after Hogwarts years."

He folded his arms comfortably, "You'll do wonderfully, not that I had a doubt. It's not every day some becomes a Potions Master.

"Thank you, I hope so." We spoke more about my plans and I took my leave twenty minutes later. I knew after that I wouldn't have any issue in getting along with him and if that was his personality now I don't see how anyone did have a problem with him.

The next morning I woke early and I was filled with excitement. I took a shower and finally put on my teaching robes and I had the feeling that I was always meant to come back here, to Hogwarts. It was my first true home and I shared this feeling with Harry. We both had come from a magicless world and this castle was incredible; so rich with magic and history. It felt like coming home.

I was in the potions classroom for most of the day making sure everything was where it needed to be and then I heard students coming. So I headed to the Great Hall to hear the sorting and the feast. In the last fifteen years the staff had been expanded. Professor Flitwick, Sprout, Trelawney, Hagrid and McGonagall were still teaching their same subjects and Snape was teaching Defense, but there were other additions. Minerva had added more subjects, like reading and a more basic Arithmancy course. Luna was teaching the reading class and Draco Malfoy was teaching the Arithmancy course. It was a grand group of teachers and I was glad to be a part of it.

The feast began and I couldn't help but notice that Snape wasn't in the last empty seat at the table. I was sitting next to Hagrid and whispered to him.

"Oh he doesn't show until the sorting is over. Says it bothers him." I found that to be strange but it quickly left my mind when I saw that massive set of first years. Over four hundred students! I guess since the war everyone felt safer and therefore had more children. A baby boom.

It took twice as long to sort them all and the majority of students were sorted into Slytherin house surprisingly. Snape showed after the sorting and he took the empty seat next to me quietly as Minerva had begun to speak.

The feast ended shortly after and I walked back to my rooms, content with the day. I was happy to be here.

My first class in the morning was at 9 o clock and it was only first years.

"Alright, this is potions class and I am Professor Granger and I will teach you everything you need to know. There are potions to make someone fall in love with you, potions to make you beautiful and potions to give you the breath of fire and a potion that can let you walk through fire without harm. My personal favorite is the Polyjuice potion which can let you take the appearance of another person. Now who here would like to tell me the first rule of potion making?" I started, watching for any interest in their faces. Most of the girls had the expected reaction but it was a boy, Timothy Longbottom who lit up when I spoke of walking through fire. How unexpected. I had met him once before but Neville and I didn't see each often. Hopefully he had more skill with potions that his father before him.

No one raised their hand, "To ensure your safety. Many people have been hurt or killed trying to make potions beyond their talents. I've been near an explosion once that left me deaf in one ear and it took many Healer visits to heal it. So when I teach you safety, it would be in your best interest to pay attention. Now let's discuss how to use our equipment."

And my day went wonderfully and I didn't have a single complaint. There were a few students who might be genuinely interested which made my day.

I was making notes when I saw Harry burst through the door, holding Hugo in his arms and Rose by his side.

"Ron came and said he was going to find Lavender and left the kids with me. Hermione I think he's lost it and I know Malfoy works here. Have you seen him?" Harry babbled and tried to sooth an upset Hugo. I took him from Harry and he ceased crying.

"Daddy said Mommy is a whore. What is a whore?" I closed my eyes in sorrow. Oh Ron, how could you?

"Rose honey, don't you worry about it. Uncle Harry is going to go find Daddy and you will stay here with me."

Harry thanked me and rushed back out the door. I looked at Hugo's head of red hair and then at rose's white locks. It was an easy spell to perform so I pricked both of their fingers and waited. I was hoping somehow that rose had gotten her hair from Lavender's side. But she hadn't the test confirmed that she and Hugo had the same mother but not the same father. I gave Rose some paper to color on and a sucker while I had to rock Hugo and pace to keep him from crying. He refused to be put down and had been that way since his birth.

Harry was gone for over an hour and Rose was hungry so I made my way to the kitchen. I still remembered my way there and Rose was being really fussy. I realized I didn't know if Hugo ate solid food yet or not. I remembered seeing Lavender breast feeding only a month ago. I expected the place to be filled with house elves but only three were in the kitchen and they were doing clean up.

"Miss Granger? Is you needing food?"

"Yes, for the little one. Rose honey what would you like?"

She requested a grilled cheese and I walked with Hugo as she ate.

"What are you doing here?" Professor Snape had just walked through the door and spotted me.

"Uh it's a long story. Rose, are you almost done?" But she was still eating her first bite. Snape voice or maybe something else made Hugo start to cry and nothing I could do would make him stop. He wanted his father, I knew. Where had Ron gone and why would he want that whore back?"

I had plenty to say about Draco Malfoy but he wasn't the one who had two kids and a marriage to be loyal too. It was Lavender's fault.

"I take it they aren't yours?" Snape remarked, grabbing an apple.

"No, Ron's. It's a big mess." I heard anxiety slip into my voice and finally pulled my wand and silenced Hugo's crying. I couldn't take it anymore. Snape raised an eyebrow at me and smirked.

"Not yours at all. Would it have anything to do with the duel happening right now between Weasely and Draco?"

"Are you fucking serious?" I exclaimed. He didn't seem bothered by my swearing and just nodded, eating his stupid apple.

"Rose, bring the sandwhich with you. Come on." She did as I asked and went to the deserted great hall to see a duel in progress and I heard Snape following me.

"RONALD WEASLEY!" I screamed and he turned to see me holding his child. He looked ashamed.

"Why did you bring them here?"

"Why are you bothering Draco? He's not the one you're married to and he's not at fault. Lavender broke your vows, Lavender left. She's to blame."

Draco put his wand away, "She lied to me. She said you guys were just married on paper and….Rose? She…lied okay, to both of us."

Ron put everything together then and everyone knew Ron was quick to react and had a bad temper. Not this time, no, this time he started to cry and Rose dropped her sandwhich and ran to hug him. Ron held onto her tight and I brought Hugo to him.

"You can't have her." Ron muttered and Malfoy nodded.

"I've done enough damage, but if you ever need anything let me know. I'd have been a shit dad anyway." Draco made himself scarce and Harry tumbled in with Lavender in tow.

"What are my children doing here?"

I shouldn't have, I really shouldn't have, but I grabbed Lavender's shoulder and punched her right in the nose, hard. She didn't know how to react and just starting screaming.

Harry took Hugo from Ron and Rose's hand. Then he disapparated. I turned to Lavender and stared at her until she stopped screaming.

"You are a worthless piece of shit, Lavender. You left an adoring husband and your two fucking children for another man. A man whom you lied too. The only person who is in the wrong is you. Stay away from us, all of us and you'll be lucky if you ever see your kids again. What you've put Ron through? Do you even care?" I advanced towards her and she backed away in fear. She wiped the blood spilling from her nose and looked completely taken aback.

"I never wanted to marry him and I didn't want any kids, okay? Ron begged me not to terminate and I let him convince me. Fine, I'm gone okay? I never belonged anyway." Lavender spat at the floor and marched down the hall. Not very many people were powerful enough to disapparated within the Hogwarts walls but Harry had always proven to be exceptional. Even I couldn't do that. Once she was gone Ron and I looked at each other. Then he pulled me into an embrace.

"Thank you. I could never say it but …thank you for that." He said his goodbyes and used the floo in a nearby office. Ron had Harry and I to help him and that's how I knew he would be okay.

"Impressive." I turned to see Snape just leaning against the wall, watching. I flexed my hand which was sore now. I had hit her really hard and there was blood on my knuckles.

"Thank you, I suppose." He was looking at me so intently it made me uncomfortable. I would have sworn he looked me up and down and he did it so bluntly. It gave me the strangest feeling in the pit of my stomach and I met his gaze waiting for him to say something more. But he just seemed content to stare at me.

"Pro-

"Call me Severus. Please." He interrupted me and I hesitated before correcting myself.

"Severus, is there something else you needed?" His name felt like a foreign language on my lips.

"I find you fascinating and you rarely see physical violence in the wizarding world." As he spoke he came to stand right in front of me, just two inches from me. He was almost a foot taller than me and his presence was just so…intoxicating that I really couldn't think of what to say back. His eyes locked on mine and I swear he smiled at me before touching my cheek gently. His fingers dragged an icy fire and I knew that he somehow _knew_ I felt it. He tilted my chin up and leaned in as if he were going to kiss me and my mind was a blank slate. I couldn't make heads or tails out of a damn thing. But he froze before his lips actually touched me, and I could feel his breath, so warm. I realized I had leaned forward to close the distance but he turn his cheek and brought his lips to my ear.

"I'll see you tomorrow in my rooms, say 7 o clock? Hermione." He backed away slowly and walked confidently back through the kitchens. I took three deep breaths before I realized that feeling I had felt was pure _want_.

What was I doing feeling this way towards…a previous teacher? I was surprised with myself and more surprised with Snape's apparent interest in me. I was a mess of thoughts by the time I got back to my rooms and climbed into bed. Would I go to his rooms at seven? I thought I really might.

Teaching the next day thankfully distracted me and somehow I talked myself out of going to see him. I didn't want to seem easy and maybe I miss read the whole thing, right? I was a grown 33 year woman not 17 anymore. Shouldn't it be different by now?

So I didn't go and seven o clock came and went and I did feel some regret. I was just about to take a shower when someone blew through my wards and entered my private room. Severus stood in the door way but he didn't look mad at having been stood up, in fact he looked amused.

"I wondered what kept you and I see now that it was your own insecurities. You…felt it didn't you, so it's not me." He said coming closer. He was dressed in muggle jeans that were black and a simple white shirt. His school robes were hiding his true physicality I can tell you that much. The way he looked at me made my skin crawl…mostly in a good way. I told myself that now would be a good time to speak.

"I don't know what-

"Oh really? Hermione, you're much too bright. Let me explain myself a little more then. It was perhaps six months ago I saw you at a party for the league where you'd been invited. You looked breath taking and I knew you would be Minerva's first choice, say if I refused to teach Potions another day. I of course couldn't be sure you would return anything of these feeling and in fact I had told myself you wouldn't. I have never been happier to be wrong. Can you admit it?" He challenged with a grin that showed his teeth. His confidence was what was driving me crazy as it wasn't widely accepted that he was attractive by most standards. He just had that vibe.

"I can admit it but it's so highly-

He didn't waste another second before one hand was in my hair at the base of my neck and another at my waist. He _curved_ my body into his and his kiss melted me. I had never been kissed so well in my life.

It only made sense to give in and return the favor. His lips left my only for a breath before kissing me deeper and my hands wound around his waist, accepting his kiss completely. His hand slid under my shirt and up my back but it just stayed there as if he was waiting for my say so. I returned by throwing away any of the left over doubts and pulled his shirt over his head. His chest was slightly defined and had some pale pink and white scars but we were kissing again and he unbuttoned my shirt with quick fingers. He turned us around and we fell onto my bed, urgently tearing off everyone's clothes. It occurred to me I could have vanished them much faster, but as my last layer slid to the floor and his did too, I forgot about it. Who whole body quaked with desire for him, more than I had ever felt before. He knew every little secret and touched just the right way. When he finally pushed inside I felt it so deeply I crushed out lips together as we rocked.

We rolled back and forth so many times I lost count and it was endless string of moans and heavy breathing. We finally parted and lay completely naked side by side.

It took a while for any sense to come back to mind. I had only been here three days and slept with a colleague. Merlin what's wrong with me? But to be honest I didn't have any regret and was glad he was such a …talented lover.

"You know, I'm usually not so forward, but there's something about you. I never saw it until that party." He spoke, turning over to look at me, but he was looking into my eyes not at my naked body.

"I've never let things move so quickly but I have to say I have no regrets." I was enjoying the pleasant tingling all over my body and found that I was completely comfortable.

"Nor do I. I take it you enjoyed yourself?" He asked, grinning. I smiled, "You know I did."

"I do." He admitted and then his gaze lingered over my body. He moved closer and kissed me, so much softer than before. We fell asleep shortly after and he stayed. I was so surprised to wake up and him still be there sleeping.

I saw his body, still naked and my eyes lingered. He was fit and had such a firm arse better than any others I'd seen.

"Enjoying the view?" He muttered, his eyes still closed. I didn't feel ashamed having looked. He was in my bed after all I could look all I pleased.

"Yes." The only way to see the age difference between us was around his eyes, slightly wrinkles were there. He looked younger than fifty but I knew from reading that article after the war about him. His birthday was January 9th, I also recalled.

He opened his eyes and looked at the time. Classes started in ten minutes. I jumped out of bed feeling slightly sore but overall…relaxed. I turned the shower on and looked to see if he was following.

He caught my gaze and kept it as he walked closer. I held my hand out in invitation. Probably my most exciting shower ever.

I was five minutes later for my first lesson with the seven years and I just had this distinct feeling someone might look at me and be able to tell why I was late. Then I decided I didn't care.

"Alright, let's see what we remember for the last six years, shall we. Who can tell me anything about Veritaserum?"

A blonde girl raised her hand. "It's odorless."

"Yes, very good anything else?" I asked the class and no one else put up a hand.

"It's odorless, colorless and most couldn't tell it from water. What does it do?"

Three hands went up and I chose Robert Greengrass, "It forces you to tell the truth, in most people."

"Very very good. Why would it not work on someone?"

"If they've been trained in Occlumency." Said the blonde girl.

"What your name?" I asked her.

"Miranda Malfoy." Ahh maybe a cousin she was a seventh year… but I didn't have time to dwell on it and the day moved very quickly and I was so drained by the time I made it back to my private rooms.

Severus was there, reading in my bed. I found that I wasn't bothered by him being here but did I want him showing up whenever? I took down my hair and ran a brush through it before changing into a night gown.

"What are you reading?" I asked, yawning. Climbing into bed should have felt weird but I was okay with it.

"New research on the long term effects of the torture curse."

I shuddered remembering my experience with that curse. It was an unimaginable pain. He caught my reaction.

"Have you had it used on you?" He seemed completely shocked by the notion.

"Yes, by Bellatrix Lestrange. It was a long time ago." I got underneath my covers wondering if he was waiting for a repeat of the other night but he didn't seem to be heading in that direction.

"If you want I'll go but like I said I find you fascinating and…have little want to be away from you."

So he stayed and kept reading as I fell asleep.

A few months later I was getting ready for a visit to my mother who was back in the hospital when Severus arrived at my chambers. He didn't know my mother had cancer, somehow it had never come up.

"My mother is sick and in the hospital I need to go see her." We had plans but he didn't object, only came closer to hold me. We have this unspoken way of just being able to comfort one another. Without any words.

"You never told me she was sick." He said after a moment. I leaned into his warm familiar chest.

"She has breast cancer, has for two years now. You…can come if you like." It was a big step to have him meet my mother but I didn't have any doubts of him or his intentions any longer.

"I would like." He murmered and we walked to the Apparation point hand in hand. It was late and not a soul was out to see us. In the past three months I had asked him if we should disclose to Minerva but he said it wouldn't be necessary. Maybe he just liked the way it was now and didn't want a change.

My mother had the same room she always had and I brought new flowers for the room. She was watching jeopardy when Severus and I entered her room.

"Hermione!...and who's this?" Severus smiled friendly and I answered for him.

"This is Severus….we've been seeing each other." I found myself at loss for a label for us.

"Well it's nice to meet you."

"Pleased to meet you." Severus said and is aw my mums eyes widen at his deep voice. She gave me that look when she is about to say something embarrassing.

"How long have you guys been seeing each other?"

"Three months two weeks." Severus answered and I gave him a sideways glance. He answered quickly and had it been that long. It seemed like just yesterday he was seducing me my third day at Hogwarts.

"Wow, that good news Hermione and I have some of my own. The doctors just told me I'm in complete remission. That almost six months cancer free."

I felt tears in my eyes as I wrapped my arms around my mother tightly. I had been so worried I would lose her too.

Severus and I stayed with my mum for a few hours talking about work and I caught her up on the whole Ron situation. Severus was polite and our hands remained together for most of the visit. I just felt…better when I touched him as if I shouldn't ever not. My mother would be discharged in the morning and I promised to visits this weekend. Severus and I headed back to Hogwarts but when were apparated at the gate Minerva was waiting for us.

"A first year saw the two of you holding hands earlier and was quite upset, fearing Severus was hurting you. You certainly make an impression don't you, Severus." Minerva said but I saw she was truly upset.

"I apologize, we thought we were alone." I said and she glared at me. I stepped back, actually hurt by that.

"You shouldn't be in a relationship with a staff member let alone someone _seventeen years_ your senior."

The hurt melted away and was replaced by anger. "You seem to be under the delusion that you can tell me what to do and that I am still a school girl. I am 33 years old and a grown woman."

"Hermione, surely you know better?"

"What? You mean do better? Huh? Better than him? You have no right. None and you can accept my resignation right now." I placed a soft kiss on Severus's cheek and walked away briskly. I hadn't missed the shock on her face and what was more pressing was the tears falling. How could she say those things?

It had been three months and two weeks and somewhere in that time I'd fallen in love with Severus. I had reacted too quickly by resigning but the mere thought of someone say he wasn't good enough for me was a huge problem. No one but I could say bad things about Severus Snape.

Minerva came to my rooms not even ten minutes later. "I do not accept your resignation and…I was misinformed by the situation and Severus had…updated me. Keep it discreet." And then she was gone and I waited for Severus to come but he never did. It was one am before I left my rooms in search of him. Why hadn't he come home?

He was in his own private room, staring into a fire and drinking fire whisky.

"Severus?" I asked coming to sit next to him. What was going on?

"You…made it clear that this" He motioned between us " Isnt going to work. I was a fool to think you actually cared. What I don't understand is why stay this long why spend countless night making love?"

He had completely misunderstood what I'd said. I couldn't do better than him because there wasn't anyone better for me than him.

"I love you." I blurted out and he finally looked at me. "I love you, I do. I only meant that Minerva is old and set in her ways and beliefs and people like her have this picture in their heads of how everything is supposed to be. Okay, there isn't anyone else for me, okay. You're it."

He set his glass down and kissed my forehead softly, "I love you too, Hermione."

He said my name like a prayer and I climbed onto his lap. No one else could love me like him.

"Good. It would have been weird if you didn't." I muttered into his ear. He chuckled and kissed me hard.

Three weeks later everything was great. Wonderful. Ron was settling in to being a single father and from what I hear he was letting Draco visit Rose. Harry was the same and I wondered if he ever would settle down. And Severus was perfect.

One morning I woke to find Severus gone. I looked around and heard the water on in the shower. The water had been running for some time now because it was ice cold. Severus was slumped over on the ground and at first I smiled because it was so odd. I turned off the water.

"Severus what are you doing?"

I touched his shoulder and it was ice-cold and he fell over completely. His eyes were empty and at first I looked around as if it were a joke and stop it right now because it's not-

"SEVERUS!" The scream broke out of my lips with a mind of it's own, probably ruled by the shattered heart in my chest. Damn it!

"Severus, wake up you son of a bitch!" I tried spell after spell and nothing worked. I started to shake him but his eyes remained lifeless.

"Wake up! God no no no!" There was something cutting off air in my lungs and there was something stabbing my heart over and over and someone FUCKING DO SOMETHING!

My clothes were soaked and I took my hands off Severus's cold body and backed away on my knees. I'd seen someone die before and I'd seen more than a few dead bodies but the sight of Severus, cold, naked and…dead shredded something inside me.

"No, _please. Just please."_ I begged to his still forma and when the silence went on I pulled out my wand with my shaking hand and cast a patronus.

"Go for help, it's urgent." I sent my patronus, my special otter that looked different now, to Minerva.

I put pants on Severus's body to save his dignity and took three times as long because every time my fingers crazed his cold skin I started to sob so uncontrollably I could breathe.

Minerva came and found me lying by his side, silently crying. I don't remember falling asleep or how I got to the hospital wing. All I remembered was Severus cold dead eyes.

"Severus has been sick for some time, Hermione. That was my objection to your being together…he suffered too much during the war and he goes every week to have his heart tested and they've been telling him he was quickly declining these past two years. It was only a matter of time. I am so very truly sorry for your loss."

All those months ago Severus had been reading about new research. I should have seen it. The forwardness I didn't associate with him, the way he loved me and held nothing back. He knew he was going to die soon and he let me love him. How could he love me so much, give me so much and then just leave, taking it all with him? Huh!? Who does that? WHO FUCKING DOES THAT!

I needed to scream, I needed to get it out, let it out.

"HOW COULD YOU! DAMN YOU DAMN YOU DAMN YOU!" I brought my fist into the stones over and over and I don't know what else I screamed.

"NO, YOU BASTARD YOU GET BACK HERE! YOU CAN'T JUST _LEAVE_….you can't leave me…"

Someone stunned me from behind and I thankfully went into darkness.

The next morning my mother was at Hogwarts, somehow, and holding my hand as I slept. The moment my eyes opened a pain breath left me and started to cry loudly and my sobs picked between being gut-wrenching and keeping me from breathing.

"Oh, honey. I know how much you loved him and I saw how much he loved you. I want you to think about all that love, all that good love he gave you. Think about his voice about his sense of humor. Would you really wish you'd never had it? Tell me, do you wish you'd never loved him?" My mother pushed hard and harder until I answered.

"No, no I don't."

"Good. It's hard and it hurts but it was good. It was everything, wasn't it Hermione. Wasn't it everything you ever wanted?" She looked me in the eyes, seeing me the way a mother seeing her daughter.

"Yes, it was everything. He was everything Mum." I let her hold me as I cried.

"You're father was everything to me, Hermione. You can do, move on because I did and you are so much stronger than me. It was good, loving him was good and it will always be good. Focus on that. You'll be okay."

In truth I wouldn't have been okay if my mother hadn't been there for me. Harry did most of the funeral arranging. Many people showed for it and it was a beautiful ceremony. Towards the end I took the podium and thought back to that other podium where I thought I was living the most important moment of my life. How wrong I'd been.

This was that moment.

"I loved Severus Snape. He loved me and he treated me how every woman dreams. There is nothing perverse about our love and my only regret was not loving him sooner. He was a great, brave, funny man who deserves to be remembered in the light. That is all I ask. Goodbye, Severus. Until we meet again."

I smoothed down my black dress and counted the one step off the stage. I held onto my mother and Harry for the rest of the day and I eventually went back to work. About a whole week later as I intended to use it as a distraction.

I was looking for a reference text when I saw the book Severus had been reading all those months ago. A letter fell out, a short one only written on one side of the parchment.

_Hermione, Hermione, _

_Do you know I chant your name to give me strength? I fear you might hate me by the time you find this. I am a selfish man, I know. I knew I would die soon when I pursued you and adding our many nights spent not sleeping my death would only come sooner. But I love you and being loved in return is not a luxury I've ever had. I wanted that before I went and I am eternally grateful for your love. My Hermione, Hermione, thank you for granting my last wish. Loving you has been the greatest privilege of my many years. _

_Forgive me, Your Severus_

When I found him dead everything inside broke and got all messed around. I felt a few things shift back into place, after reading that.

"You're welcome, Severus." I whispered into the air. He had been loved and I knew I was blessed to have been the one who loved him no matter over how short a time. Time would become my friend and in time I would find my way back to him.


End file.
